Past Diatribes

Very Wise. Please Read Carefully.

-- March 2005 --

Any Pride & Prejudice fans reading this update will be delighted to know that another BBC costume drama is soon to be available on DVD. At least three ladies that I know are ticking off the days until North & South is available on the 11th of April.

Though this production is set in the 1800's, it has nothing to do with the US Civil War. No Patrick Swayze to be seen! Instead, there's a bunch of English people running around wearing old-fashioned gear, bemoaning the bounds of their social strata. Oh! The doomed, forbidden romances! The endangered textile mill! The brooding good looks!

No joke: the videotape my wifey made when North & South was originally broadcast in 2004 has been worn thin. Stockpile your Kleenex boxes now.

Escaping the four thousandth replay of the climactic moment when the hero finally declares his love, I ducked out of the house long enough to attend the meeting that formed my neighborhood's Residents Association.

The estate where I live- like many in Dublin- was nothing but a cow pasture only five years ago. I'm not kidding. Last summer, jumping over the back wall to spread a hopper of lawn cuttings in the woods, I nearly landed on a set of heifer horns. Yikes! Revenge for all those hamburgers, mooed Bessie.

Fifty residents of my estate united to discuss issues that affect us all. Man-eating cows aside, that sounds like a fairly dry evening- certainly not worthy of note in a monthly update. In truth: it was a lot of fun. I had the opportunity to meet several neighbors, local representatives like Paul Gogarty, Eamonn Tuffy and Derek Keating, and learn about the legal requirements regarding the erecting of garden walls and Children At Play signs. Most important: groundwork was laid for a summer block party! It's good when people come together. I also had the opportunity to trade DIY tips with other homeowners.

Arthur

To answer the question everyone wants to know: Jack did not return. The little guy has left a legacy, though. After his character and antics, we're a pet-friendly household.

One of the neighborhood's stray kitties managed to charm his way in. A big bull of a cat, his black-and-white coat reminde Mick of one of his favorite things: Guinness! So we've named his Arthur. It's funny how much of a lap cat he has become, for one born in the wilds.

It's not apparent in this snap, but he has an eerie resemblance to Eyebrow Boy!

Another MCSE exam has gone under my belt since last update. Only one more and I am an official Nerd! Erm, I mean, an official Microsoft Certified Systems Administrator. That achievement is not the highest in the world, but it's not too bad.

Here's a tip, in case you're on the same path. Rather than taking Microsoft's Windows 2003 Network Security Administration exam (70-299), go for CompTIA's vendor-neutral Security+. This certification is widely recognized in the computer industry, and fulfils MS's requirement for an elective. So after tackling that one test, I'll have both Security+ and MCSE certifications to feature on my CV.

I've only been preparing for a week, but I feel like I'm making good progress. Much of the material is familiar to any software engineer who has worked at a computer security firm like Symantec. Other sections expand on topics that I've never studied to their full potential, like Kerberos, IPSec and Disaster Recovery Planning.

The practice exams from Transcender, Boson Software, and Preplogic are still kicking my backside, though. The problem with vendor-neutral exams is that they are so waffley. Which model of authentication is the most appropriate for Schauzerscraves.com? It all depends on how it's implemented in the real world. Anyway, there are some excellent study guides and sources of information available (free!) from freebraindumps.com, Techexams.net and MC MCSE. It's knowledge that is well worth knowing, even if your goal is not to become a fully-certified Nerd.

(mad tangent: wouldn't it be cool if there were scarves shaped like those sausage dogs? With little tails and ears and big button eyes. And they'd yip or wag their tail when paws are squeezed! Kids and trendy college babes would get a kick out of them.)

OK, OK. This site's few readers are shouting "crap idea!" loud enough for me to hear them. Well, wise guys, it's my turn to shout outrageous opinions. I hereby introduce a new section to this website called Critical Mick, available here. As a free sample of these off-the-wall, no-punches-pulled reviews, here's the debut recommendation:

Will the Jury Please Discard that Turkey Sandwich and Rise!

Reading Trial and Retribution made me a Lynda La Plante fan. Yep: reading. Never saw the TV show.

So, it was a delight to see her brand-new Above Suspicion under the Christmas tree. This is a book that rests nicely on a stomach fat from turkey. Experience shows that such books also fit nicely into a holiday beach bag. Quick reading that keeps you guessing... ah!

All-reading and no-TV has made me a hard judge, though. With the departure of Christmas Spirit, can I recommend Above Suspicion?

Evidence clearly supports the defendant. Above Suspicion is convincingly told, rich with character, and moves at a brisk pace. Well before New Year's, my fingerprints were all over every page. 'Nuff said.

Objection One: the book opens with clichés. Serial killer who targets prostitutes? Rookie cop who barfs at the sight of her first dead body? Been done. Countless times. Objection Two: goofs. La Plante's writing is hearty with realistic detail. Above Suspicion's salient errors in (for example) geography made me wonder just how much I can trust its procedural authenticity. Is this really how investigations are performed? Unpleasant doubts are introduced. Objection Three: visual style. Some scenes felt set like... scenes. TV scenes. POV shifts and long wardrobe descriptions won't trouble less pernickety readers, but wig-wearing crime-fiction nerds like me, consider that in chambers!

Passing sentence: print run of three and a half years out of a maximum of five, with the possibility of edging up to four for good behaviour.

Bailiff, take that book to the cashier! This review is adjourned.

So, does this new monthly feature mean that Mick will contain his ramblings about obscure flicks, books and bands to one easily-bypassed section?

Not bloody likely.

Last week I discovered that 80's alternative music sensation Camper Van Beethoven had pitched a new tent. In addition to several collections of B-sides and rarities, the reformed CVB have three albums of new material which they are currently promoting on tour.

My first ride in the Camper Van dates back to 1989. A cover of Status Quo's Pictures of Matchstick Men was a hit on the campus scene, and many nights sitting around dorm rooms, hiding cans of Busch Light, revealed that it wasn't the Camper at their wilderness best. Retaining the fiddle and slide guitar of their country music roots, Camper did astounding things with ska, chord progressions and modern ideas. Better yet: with songs like Take the Skinheads Bowling, The Day that Lassie Went to the Moon, and Where the Hell is Bill, this was a band that shared my sense of humor.

That 1989 album, Key Lime Pie, proved to be their last. Half the happy campers reached Grunge stardom with a band called Cracker. Shake Some Action was a good tune, sure, but Cracker couldn't compare to the innovative madness captured by Camper's other spin-off, The Monks of Doom.

Both Monks and Camper Van's back catalogue found a place into heavy rotation at Club Mick. What fervor! What fun! One song was a track off an earlier album, played backwards, on a speaker that had been thrown to the bottom of the pool. Or maybe I dreamed that.

Discover for yourself! Catch Camper in concert, if you're lucky enough to have the Van roll into your town. And if you share my poor fortune? Those Camper Van albums are available on Amazon.com. Definitely recommended by Mick, and remember: purchases of amazon.co.uk stuff that you were going to buy, anyway, help support this DFA Guide site.

On the subject of shameless plugs: two new articles added since the last instalment. Dermot Bolger, one of the busiest men in Irish letters, made the time to send me a nice note. True, it was a PFO. Still nice, though. Anyway, the favor is returned with my new profile of Mr. Bolger and a few of the novels that have won him his renown. Check 'em out.

Also featured: Rua! A pair of beautiful musicians, seducing the wider world with Celtic-inspired tunes. A review of their 2004 album Dream-Teller has made its way into the DFA Guide's Music section.

Man! Short update. Well, February is a short month. March not much longer. What did you get up to? Are you endlessly painting, too? Let me know.

Peace

Y F M H

mick @ mickhalpin dot com