Past Diatribes

Very Wise. Please Read Carefully.

-- September 2005 --

The other day the post held for me a piece of electrical tape and a certificate signed by Bill Gates himself.

Yes! An official nerd at last! I don't wear glasses, so I couldn't wrap the tape around them. (See nerd tape, right) The certificate was nice, though.

Microsoft Certified Systems Administrator. For the last two years, I have been studying toward a professional certification called Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer. The MCSA is a half-way point, four exams passed. (I got the Security+ mentioned in the last update. Go, me!) Lots of hours on lots of evenings, reading up on such exciting subjects as DHCP options and incremental tape backups. Whoo-hoo!

In truth, much of this information is useful. Like it or not, every business needs computers in this day and age, and the things can be a nightmare to setup, configure and secure correctly. With the knowledge that I have picked up, I've been able to help out friends of mine who have local offices or schools. Helping them figure out how to set up Virtual Private Networks or wireless broadband, for instance, has given me excellent hands-on experience. Building up the old C.V.

Anyway, I'll stop waffling on about it here. The site now proudly features a new article all about certification, under my computer section. Certification is an excellent step to take if you'd like a future as a nerd- erm, I mean, a career in the ever-changing IT industry.

Three exams left to go!

Big news: even though I haven't earned the full MCSE yet, I went for a high-techie position advertised internally in Symantec. All that hands-on knowledge that I had gathered, moonlighting and helping people out, really paid off! As of this month, I am an Internal Technical Consultant. YES!

(Basically that means that whenever they need an in-house expert in an area of technology, they'll scream for me. I think. More info next update, after the new job starts!)

Localization is a good set of skills to have, but three years of it is more than enough for any man. I'm looking forward to gaining advanced knowledge of networks, security, and mailing systems. After a few years of that, who knows? Suffice to say:

Watch this (cyber)space.

Also on the computery topic: check out automation-robotics.com, the website of a group of local robotics experts. No, not R2-D2 type robots. The type that perform repetitive jobs in factories so that people will not have to. Mainly pickers and packers, sealers and other equipment... neat stuff. Neat as well, that in this era of multinational superconglomerates, a local family-run business can still carve a well-respected international niche for itself. And save thousand of poor working sods from a life or boredom and drudgery.

I wonder if the lads down at ARI are working on a Localization robot? Hmmm.....

Anyway, whoever designed their site is a genius!

(My Brother-in-law, Brendan, writes:)

      >I read in Backpacker Magazine that McCarthy, Alaska is becoming a
      >tourist destination - no word if it was due to your favorable book
      >review.

Though I can't make any claims about Alaska, the Critical Mick thing has really taken off. I started with Lynda La Plante's Above Suspicion and a desire to convey my outline, analysis and opinion of the book in a manner that was equally entertaining. Always a big reader (and a loudmouth) I have since churned out thirty more unruly reviews. A few have been reprinted on various websites and mentioned in blogs. Books have also arrived in the post, with requests to review, and the Critical Mick pages have become the most-visited portion of my site. Groovy!

Book lovers will find The Midwest Book Review far more impressive. Launched in the 1970's an experiment to give ordinary, non-academic people a voice in criticism, the MBR has grown into several print and newsletter publications. Together, this collective of volunteers covers thousands of titles per year. Many of the reviews can be found on the MBR website, and (indeed) on Amazon.com. Jim Cox, the head of the MBR, can take at least partial credit for the notion of posting reviews along side the merchandise on Amazon. He's also authored many how-to articles on the publishing biz that are well worth highlighting.

If you've got an hour's commute and an mp3 player, listen in to Jim's interview with Paula B from writingshow.com. It's a peek behind the scene of an industry that I've always found fascinating.

This month's update is a bit sparce, so here's the review Brendan was on about. Yes it's filler, but it does continue the whole "how big a nerd is Mick?" theme that started this update off:

Scotland? A Book This Irish and Critical Mick's Review Begins in Scotland?

Act 1. Edinburgh.

Critical Mick: Fringe Festival! Beer! Buildings that look like they're out of Batman!

Critical Mick's Funky Kid Sister: I am so glad that we decided to share our holidays this year! It is great seeing you and your lovely wife.

CM: The company of yourself and your husband is equally pleasing. Yo, Brendan! Shall we imbibe before the show starts? Helloooo, Brendan?

CMFKS: He can't hear you, dear brother. He's been like that ever since his friend loaned him Pete McCarthy's Irish travelogue, McCarthy's Bar.

CM: He would rather read a book about bars than go into a real, actual bar?

CMFKS: He'd rather read that book than do anything!

CM: Hey, this pub is dedicated to a terrier who used to hang out here.

CMFKS: Brendan, shall we go in for a hair of the dog? Brendan? Brendaaannnnn? See what I mean, Mick?

CM: Look who's coming! Yikes, hide!

CMFKS: Mick, it's just that twenty-third Earl of Elephant from the pub last night.

CM: The geezer is going to try to scam more free drink off us.

CMFKS: He's passed. Stop cowering behind the dog's statue.

CM: Holy tomatoes!

(Emerging, Mick is smashed to the Scotish ground by a man in a rhinestone dress skipping past, holding liberty's torch in one hand and the hand of Ricky Gervais in the other)

Critical Mick's Brother-in-Law, Brendan: He he he!

CM (groaning): I get trampled by a hillbilly transvestite and all Brendan does is laughs?

CMFKS: No, it was because of something that he read.

CM: That's some book.

Act 2. Dublin.

CMFKS: I'm glad to see that your injuries have healed, dear brother. And your house is beautiful!

CM: Ah, both it and I are slowly improving. Say! Would Brendan mind helping me out with a job or two around here? Fame and fortune are sure to come calling, any day now. I'd better wire up a doorbell.

CMB-i-LB: He he he!

CMFKS: Good luck trying to get him out of McCarthy's Bar. He occasionally waves for beer or whiskey, otherwise all he does is read. And giggle.

CM: What's that about, then?

CMFKS: English TV presenter Pete McCarthy's mom was from County Cork. He spent many summers and holidays over here in Ireland, growing up. As an adult he returns, trying to discover whether he is Irish and what it means to be Irish.

CM: Does he succeed?

CMFKS: From excerpts that Brendan has been compelled to read aloud, McCarthy appears to have codified the Irish experience. For instance: The Eighth Rule of Travel states: Never Pass a Bar That Has Your Name On It.

CM: The man is wise.

CMFKS: McCarthy interviews many interesting people. Gives recommendations on what to see and avoid. Makes observations in fourty shades of color. In short, dear brother, his portrait of Ireland blows all to hell your crappy Edinbugh skit that started off this review.

CM: D'oh!

CMB-i-LB: He he he!

Act 3. Dublin. One Week Later.

CM: Exclamations! Brendan's nose is no longer buried in McCarthy's Bar!

CMB-i-LB: I finished it while your funky kid sister and I were travelling out in County Clare.

CM: And what is your opinion?

CMB-i-LB: Truly Excellent. Five shots of Jameson out of five. Pete McCarthy really captures the truth of things. Whether it's the feeling that comes over you at a Famine memorial or the way that rental car companies screw tourists over, McCarthy describes matters with otherworldly eloquence. It's a compelling, satisfying read.

CM: (covertly scribbling) That sounds good!

CMB-i-LB: Oh, it's funny as hell, too.

CM: You don't say!

CMB-i-LB: Here, have a loan of it! For the next time you've got hours to kill on a long plane journey.

CM: Wow! Thanks for the book! The doorbell, too, though I don't think that's working right. I was expecting an imminent call from Fame and Fortune.

CMB-i-LB: Umm....

CM: Well, any other craic before this review moves on to Act 4?

CMB-i-LB: Might as well plug McCarthy's sequel, while I'm here. The Road to McCarthy: Around the World in Search of Ireland is a worthy companion to the first volume.

Act 4. Orlando, Florida.

Critical Mick's Mom: It's so nice that you've come to visit us, son! How long has it been since you were back in the US?

Critical Mick's Mom: Too long, too long. There are still trees hanging precariously over the house from last year's hurricanes. Would you like to have a go at them with this chainsaw?

Critical Mick's Mom: No? Ah well. Let's go to Petty's and restock your supply of hot sauces! Have spicy foods caught on in Ireland, at all?

Critical Mick's Mom: What's that dogeared book that you're reading, anyway?

CM: He he he.

Act 5. Dublin. Back Garden Party, 3 AM

Random Neighbour's Father from Belfast: Ah, who is joining the party! How about ye?

CM: They kicked my drunken ass out of The Dublin Writers Festival 2005. Barmen, poxy bastards! I just staggered off the nightlink, I heard revelry. I'm here for beer! Hello, who ever you kind people are! Um. Any beer going?

RNFFB: Ah wait! You're that daft pet who scheduled Erin Hart on Ricki Lake, even though Ricki Lake's show is long off the air?

CM: Yes, sadly, I am Critical Mick.

RNFFB: Yes, ye look like you're all wired up but not plugged in. And I could tell by your accent that you are a foreigner!

CM: Um. (A long pause, during which some kind soul named David or maybe Tara, or is it Tina, remotely possibly Paws, puts a much-needed beer in Mick's hand) If you have just said, "Fuck off back home! Ya DFA bastard!" I did not hear it. Sorry! My ears are easily bored. They block that out, nowadays.

RNFFB: Would ye ever stop! I just expressed my astonishment that your American-born arse has not yet quoted at length some Free-Stater Irish book.

CM: You are as wise as Pete McCarthy. Speaking of which, I would excerpt his excellent and wildly funnier than this review McCarthy's Bar. Except I no longer have it at hand. Immediately upon finishing his book I loaned it to somebody.

RNFFB: Like a zombie in 28 Days Later?? As soon as you're bit, you pass it on?

CM: Yes, but in an Irish way. With really crap memory. And a surfer dude accent.

RNFFB: Ach! So you won't reveal insights into Irishness, won't bend my ear 'til dawn with anecdotes and jokes?

CM (munch munch): These chicken wings will have to do.

RNFFB: Yes, you're really powering your way through them! Ah, ha! A wee bit of help! Anyone?

CM: Don't take it from me, what it means to be Irish. Take it from Pete McCarthy. The dude rocks!

RNFFB: If I promise I'll read the feckin book, will you leave us in peace?

Critical Mick jumps: Five back garden fences out of five, before crashing chin-first into his own little patch. His self-important hat tips off. Pete McCarthy, you rock!

Ummm.... that's a good place to leave it for this month. Durn tootin'!

Peace

Y F M H

mick @ mickhalpin dot com